Apples
by ToxicTopaz
Summary: Kurt uses hypnosis to "entertain" himself with Puck by putting him under a spell so that every time someone says the word "apple" he'll sneeze. Sneezefetish!Kurt, Sneezy!Puck. Rated T for slight adult themes.


**AN:** Alright, so I honestly love Puckurt, and I couldn't resist turning this adorable Omegle RP into a one-shot. And besides, who doesn't love sneezekink!Kurt?

Just in case you didn't know, I _do _have a sneezing fetish- so yeah, that's kind of my argument for why I wrote this.

Just to give credit where credit is due, I should tell you I was Kurt in this RP. I don't know who the Puck was (the person disconnected around the end and we had to stop it there- the last line was added in be me lol), but they were actually _really _good and went along with everything. Their sneezy Puck is totally sexy and gorgeous. Of course I rearranged some stuff and I wrote in the spellings/congested talk and changed some things around, but the rest was mostly the actual Puck, so kudos to the random Omegle stranger! :'D  
Also, THIS PROMPT IS NOT MINE. I stole it from _Grey on a Sunday_ from the Sneeze Fetish Forum (yes, that exists). :D Sorry gurl, the prompt was just delicious and I had to use it. :3

Alright so you should also know this is set in an season 1 AU where Kurt and Puck were secretly dating (because come on that's adorable). They started getting close around when Puck joined glee club, but they didn't start dating until around a little before halfway through the season. Just for the sake of this AU, Quinn isn't pregnant. I really didn't wanna deal with all that drama.

**WARNINGS:** Unrealistic AU, Character sneezekink, a little bit of OOCness on my part, Kurt going back and forth from calling Puck 'Noah' to calling him 'Puck' because I think it's cute, sneeze torture, and some peeing at the end (I think the stranger had a peeing fetish ROFL).

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except my beautiful sneeze spellings! :3

Alright, so without further ado-** Puckurt!**

* * *

Kurt Hummel stretched out on his bed, foot accidentally colliding with the head of his (secret) boyfriend, Noah Puckerman.

"Sorry babe," he mumbled, glancing at his watch- it was 5:30 on a late autumn Saturday. The two had been studying -well, if you consider Puck asking Kurt multiple questions that had no answer such as "Who did this Napoleon guy think he was?" and "Why did this Henry dude kill so many chicks?" as studying- for nearly two hours. Right about when they were starting, they had somehow gotten onto the topic of hypnosis, resulting in an argument over the credibility of the subject. Kurt was all for it, but Puck claimed it was "bogus."

Kurt, although not a person of belief, loved the idea of magic, and -just to show him he was wrong- pulled out his grandfather's stopwatch and started it on a pendulum swing, not thinking much of it- and surprisingly, it actually worked (well, it was Puck after all).

Not really knowing what "spell" to put on Puck, Kurt had decided to go on a slightly personal route- every time anyone said the word "apple," Puck would sneeze. Maybe it was stupid, and maybe it was gross, but Kurt actually had a little thing for sneezes- they didn't turn him on per say, but he just found them overwhelmingly adorable and wanted to hug people when they sneezed- especially Puck.

Okay, so maybe they turned him on a little, but it was weird and he didn't like to talk about it. And besides, how often did people say the word "apple" anyway? Being the serious student he was, Kurt had completely forgotten about the spell in favor of studying, but as Puck's questions wore down and he finished his required reading, he started to feel a little sinister. Maybe now was the time to try it out?

"Hey Noah," he called to the other end of the bed suddenly, grinning devilishly. "You know what I could go for right now?" he asked the other boy. "An_appl_e."

Puck frowned as he felt a sudden and intense tickle in his nose, nostrils flaring wide as he brought his palm to his face just in time to half-stifle an abrupt_"Huh'xt__**shuh**__!"_ into it. He sniffed, wiping at his nose as he tried to focus back on his studying and ignored Kurt's question. Kurt chuckled instantly, slapping a hand to his mouth.

"Bless you," he said briefly, biting his lip to keep from smiling. "Do you not like apples or something? Cause I think apples are my fave," he said with false nonchalance as he turned his head to watch his boyfriend's reaction.

Puck's eyelids fluttered as he geared up for another sneeze, chest heaving like mad. _"Heh- __**ixt'**__shuh! Ehxt'__**choo!"**_ he sneezed forcefully against the back of his hand. He blushed slightly. For some reason, it seemed weirdly inappropriate to sneeze in front of his boyfriend- he _was _Kurt Hummel after-all, and he just didn't _do _messy things like sneezes. "Um, yeah, babe, apples are- _heh! __**Shx**__gt!"_ he sniffled. "...They're fine," he finished lamely. Kurt turned away, a blush evident on his face. Oh god, why did they have to be so _perfect?_

"Bless," he said simply again, biting back a dopey grin. "Oh god, I just can't stop thinking about _apples!"_ he exclaimed, wondering if his emphasis might make a difference. "Usually at the end of summer my dad and I make apple pie with the apples from the tree out back," he lied as he pretended to write something in his notebook, grinning as he waited for Puck's reaction.

_"Heh'__**shhxt!"**_Puck sniffled and rubbed ferociously at his nose, getting frustrated now. He only had a moment to recover, though, before the next words from his boyfriend's mouth had him- "Heh'**chh! **Ah'**xgt!" **He sniffled and blinked tiredly, looking around the room in sudden confusion. Was he somehow allergic to something in Kurt's room?

"Sorry," he mumbled, hating being unattractive in front of his gorgeously perfect boyfriend. He wiped the back of his hand at his nose again, sniffing as the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Why do you care so much about apples today?" He barely finished the sentence before his nostrils were flaring again._"Ah'__**chhxt!"**_

Kurt giggled a little bit, shaking his head as he realized the apple sneezes were triggering _more _sneezes- he was getting more than he bargained for, and he was beyond pleased.

"I don't really know, just it's the end of Autumn, and the apples are best right now, and I really want some," he insisted, shrugging.  
"Why do _you_ keep sneezing?" he asked as a sort of retaliation to the original question, toying with the idea in his mind of Puck coming up with some sort of answer. Just the idea that Puck was _thinking_ about sneezing drove him crazy. "Not that I mind, your sneeze is adorable," he said quietly when he saw how self-conscious Puck looked and the way he was sort of blushing, blushing a little bit himself as he admitted it. They were a little _more _than adorable.

_"Ishxgt!" _Puck gave a liquid sniffle, eyes shut tight for a moment too long. He gave his head a little shake, sniffling. "Uh, I doh't really doh..." he admitted, pouting at the congestion in his voice as he thought for a long moment. "I thought baybe allergies, but we've been id here for like two hours add I was fide, so I doh't doh what happened..." His lips puckered into a frown as he considered it, and after a moment he shook his head. "Add I'b glad you thidk I'b adorable," he said with an eye roll. "That's exactly what I wadt to be to my boyfriedd- dot sexy- or a turn-od, but _adorable." _Kurt scoffed._ If Puck only knew._

"Oh Noah, don't you know how to accept a compliment? I never said you _weren't _sexy, _just a wittle adowable sometimes,_" he teased, rolling his eyes for emphasis. "I opened the window like twenty minutes ago. That might be it- y'know apples aren't the only things that fall from trees in Autumn. There's also leaves- but they're nowhere near as enjoyable as apples are- I mean come on, they're apples," he said with a laugh. He sounded like an idiot when he rambled like this, but quite frankly he didn't care. He just wanted to tease his boyfriend some just rolled his eyes, although he couldn't help but smiled a little at Kurt's baby talk.

"Yeah, but I'b dot sexy like this," he retorted, nudging Kurt's hip with his sock-covered foot playfully. He nodded at the point about the window, looking over at it reproachfully. "Cah- _Heh'__**shoo! Xght! **__Xght-__**choo!"**_ He groaned after the small fit, collapsing back against the pillows of Kurt's bed. "Cad you just shut up about the apples alrea- **-****_xshgt!_****-** already?" he asked, clearly frustrated and not having the patience for whatever silly game Kurt was playing. Kurt sighed, licking his lips as he listened to Puck sneeze.

"Okay maybe you're not," Kurt bit back laughter at the irony, "but I'm quite fond of adorableness too, y'know," he informed, reaching over to his beside table to grab some tissues for his boyfriend and pressing them into his open hand.

"Yeah, yeah," Puck replied as he took the tissues, although he was watching Kurt carefully. He got the feeling his boyfriend was up to something, but he had no idea what it was. He pressed the tissues to his nose, blowing wetly and cringing at the sound. Kurt's face softened when he noticed Puck's grumpy face.

"Aw, you just made the cutest face!" he cooed. "Oops, sorry! Didn't mean to insult your masculinity," he said sarcastically.

"'B dot a baby," Puck mumbled, pouting a little, although a small part of him was glad that at least Kurt found this cute.

"Sorry, it's not my fault you're so damn cute," Kurt replied with a smirk. "And what do you have against apples? Apples are delicious, why don't we just go get some?"

"Th- _heh! _They are pretty good- _H'xtshh! X'gtshh!" _Puck muffled the two sneezes into the tissue, eyelids clamping shut as he blew his nose again afterwards. He made a quiet whimpering sound at the end, getting frustrated with his nose now and scooted closer to Kurt to rest his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, arms wrapping around him. "I doh't want ady dahb apples," he whined, arms tightening around Kurt as he tensed with the force of an impending sneeze. Kurt's heart melted at the whimpering sound Puck made after he sneezed and he shivered lightly when he felt Puck put his head on his shoulder.

"Well maybe I d-"

_"Huxg'__**shoo!"**_Puck sneezed forcefully and uncovered, some of the spray hitting Kurt's neck. "...S-sorry..." he mumbled, cheeks going pink. Kurt twitched when Puck sneezed against him, surprised by the tightness he felt _and _the small amount of spray that hit his neck. Oh god, the spray. Hit. His. Neck. He was practically drooling. God, he felt like such a freak for this.

"It's okay, it was perfect," he said breathlessly, overcome with seduction. Puck just sniffled, wiping his nose a little against the fabric of Kurt's shirt, right against his shoulder, then tilted his head up to look at him, still holding him close, and quirked a brow.

"It was perfect, babe? I doh't... _what?"_ He frowned bit his lip, thinking back to the other sneezes and Kurt's reactions. He _did _get a little excited when Puck was about to sneeze, didn't he? Kurt's eyes widened when he realized what he'd just said- if Puck found out about this he would freak out.

"I mean it was cute," he lied. "I-If you don't want me to call you cute, why do you go and do things like that?" he asked awkwardly, trying to look past what had just happened and changing the subject as fast he could.

"I'd dot doigg it on purpose," he mumbled with a pout, looking away from Kurt and shaking his head- if Kurt was uncomfortable talking about it, he wasn't gonna go and bring it up again. "Okay. I mead, if you really want us to go get some apples, we-" Kurt's eyes widened when he heard Puck's sentence, and he grinned in anticipation as Puck's arms arms tightened around him again, and he felt him burrow his nose into the curve of his neck as he the sneeze built up. _"Heh! Heh'__**ishuhh!"**_Puck sneezed wetly, nose pressed right against Kurt's skin as the wetness hit. Kurt gasped when he felt the pressure of Puck sneezing into his neck, and the wetness, and the sound, and just alsdkfjhasaslkdjksjka it was perfect.

"Oh god," Puck said as soon as he opened his eyes, realizing what he'd just done, and pulled away quickly. "B'sorry babe- there was just like- this idstict to curl idto you." He reached frantically for some tissues and handed them to Kurt, biting his lip as he waited for him to freak out at him. Kurt's actual reaction was what surprised him. Kurt had sort of shivered and twitched and moaned all at the same time had now pulled away with a smile on his face.

"N-no, it's okay, I loved it, don't apologize for that." God, why did Puck have to be so _desperate_ with his sneezes? Desperation just drove him _crazy. _Hementally facepalmed after he realized what he'd said- he was practically giving himself away now! Puck frowned a little in confusion, sniffling.

"You... you loved it? That I sneezed on you?" he asked, something clicking in his head. Dude, is this like a kink thing?" Kurt squinted and blushed in embarrassment, not even opening his eyes as he felt Puck dabbing gently at his neck with the tissues.

"I'm a weirdo," he mumbled with an embarrassed chuckle, trying to come up with any other explanation of why he "loved" it so much.  
Puck looked at him curiously, but without judgment. If anything, he was a little impressed that Kurt even _had _a kink. Puck had stumbled upon tons of them in his internet porn days (he was _never _going back there) but he had never seen or heard of this one before. Still, if Kurt liked it, then he was fine with it.. He set the used tissue down onto the bed before taking Kurt's hand, feeling the other boy try to pull away awkwardly. He just smiled and squeezed it.

"You're dot a weirdo, Kurt- everybody's got a kink," he assured. Kurt sighed and nodded slightly, blushing profusely. Oh god, why did he do this? He was really regretting it now.

"Y-yeah, I know - but it's just _gross_," he mumbled as he scratched his arm awkwardly.

"Dah, it's fide," Puck insisted. "Trust be. I've seed _way _worse." He grinned after a moment. "Why do I get the feeligg that this has sobethigg to do with apples? Cause you k-_keep_- **_HXGTSHH!"_** The sneeze overtook his entire body, his face pressing itself even further into Kurt's neck with the force of it.

Kurt nodded when Puck brought up the apples, cheeks reddening a little if that was even possible, but he just shivered again when Puck sneezed on his cheek, actually _moaning_ a little at the ticklish feeling of the spray hitting his neck. He pressed his hand to the affected area, rubbing it slightly and smiling as he felt the wetness against his fingertips. Puck's eyes widened as he watched the way Kurt was really getting off on this, the way he rubbed the wetness into his skin.

"Bless, cutie," he said with a small chuckle, raising his finger to bloop Puck's nose, but then remembered the thing about the apples. "I uh… yeah," he admitted quietly, scratching the side of his head now instead of his arm. Puck squirmed awkwardly, not really knowing what was to come. "Remember when we were talking about hypnosis? Well, I uh...I kinda hypnotized you," he said slowly, he was almost sweating at this point. Puck quirked a brow.

"You what?" he asked incredulously. He didn't believe in that shit- there was _no way _Kurt had hypnotized him.

"Yeah…I made it so whenever anyone said the word 'apple' you would sneeze," he explained, not even realizing that he had just said the word until he felt Puck muffle another **_"h'ishxt!" _**into the crook of his neck, shivering slightly at the looked at his feet awkwardly, moving them slightly. "I'm sorry, that was sort of a dick move, especially for such a weird kink," he reasoned, blushing in embarrassment and guilt. Puck scooted even closer, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. It was hot to see his boyfriend getting turned on by something so innocent and simple. He was quiet for a moment, and then pulled back enough to say.

"Babe, it wasd't a dick bove- id was kidda hot actually," he assured. "I guess it is a _little_ weird, but it's also pretty hot- or at least, you're hot like this. Super hot." He gave Kurt another little squeeze, feeling his boyfriend finally ease into him and squeeze back slightly. "Add I'd love to talk about this bore, but I kidda really haveta pee first. All this sdeezigg is not making my bladder very happy."  
Kurt quirked a brow at the statement and he actually laughed a little- he seriously thought he was joking.

"Wait, you pee when you sneeze?" he asked in confusion. Puck blushed a little, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I thought that only happened to girls," he observed, remembering Tina had told him something about that once "and Whoopi Goldberg*," he added on, thinking back to her numerous Poise commercials. "Well I mean, she's a girl, but still."

"I have't actually peed byself yet," Puck retorted. "I just... I have a weak bladder, okay?" he asked, biting his lip and looking the other way. "I bead it's fide dorbally, but like whed I sneeze, it just- everythigg jolts, add I'b just- I'b worried I'm _going_ to pee byself the dext time I sneeze, if I don't go _dow_," he warned, feeling the heat rise up to his cheeks as he bent down down to wipe his nose against Kurt's sleeve. Kurt smiled when Puck rubbed his nose against his sleeve and he chuckled a bit.

"Aw, _Pucky-_ you don't need to be embarrassed- it's okay if you go tinkle a little more often than most people do," he assured, teasing him just a little bit. Puck pouted at the way Kurt teased him. "Okay fine, I won't say app-" he caught himself before he could finish, eyes widening. "Oopsie," he said, noticing the hitching breath his boyfriend had tried to suppress. His being there right now was dangerous. "Maybe you should go to the bathroom now." His eyes widened when Kurt said the word, as even just half the word was enough.

"Um, yeah, I probably should," he muttered, cheeks bright red. He had almost _peed _on his boyfriend. Kurt just nodded.

"Yeah," he said quietly, feeling insanely guilty. He had just almost made his boyfriend _pee himself._ He couldn't bring himself to even look him in the eye, and he pulled away from him to let him go, admittedly chuckling when he heard Puck's hurried footsteps.

"Have fun peeing! I'll undo the spell-thing when you come back, okay?" he called after him. It was the least he could offer right now, after he had tortured his boyfriend for so long.

"Why did I pick the word _apple?" _he mused to himself to himself, eyes widening, grinning devilishly when he realize he'd just said the word.

_"Heh'__**ngxtsh**__! _Dabbit, Kurt!"*

* * *

***Okay so I know Whoopi plays someone on the show but ROFL I just had to add that in, I'm sorry! Also I wasn't really thinking about her then, so yeah. :3**

***Ladies: Sneezing while peeing is like drinking pulp orange juice through a straw for guys. Pretty much they have to force themselves to either stop peeing or to not sneeze, or else they pee everywhere. Lol. :3**


End file.
